counting the hours

I can't believe that I am less than 48 hours from being graduated high school. It's pretty hard to believe that tonight is my graduation dinner and then by tomorrow mid morning I'll be finished.

omg. thats so crazy. and for some reason I don't want to sleep tonight I dunno why.. that's all yo.

english

so I have only 3 assessment pieces left before I officially finish highschool aw yee super keen yo.

but I have hit the no motivation thing or I never really got over it..
so I'm writing up another to do list on my blog because it seems that its one of the best ways for me to actually accomplish something for me during the day.. and I think I'll do sub categories so I feel like I've done more than I have.. reverse psychology much?

TODO;

• English oral (7.00pm-
• Introduction
• Body One
• Body Two
• Rebuttle
• Call to Action
• Conclusion
• All before tomorrow duh my oral is tomorrow... 
• Maths C Revision I did a little.. and tutor today counts!
• Skype Study Session for Maths C with MRkins
• Clean the dinning table
• Clean the sofa
• Folded a basket of clothes
• Arrange the rug nicely 6.59pm
• Close the windows its getting a little chilly 6.59pm
• Accounting Oral Write up
• Clean the bathroom floor
• Organise the bathroom counter
• Clean my bedroom floor
• Vacuum my room and the house
• Talk to Phil when I get sad
• stop procrastinating with this blog post and actually do something.. LEGO 7.00pm

early morning moods.

so its like 2.31am right now and i am pretty tired but I'm not asleep and I have no idea why. I should probably be doing some of my assignment but I don't think my brain will be very productive right now. So yeah I can't even seem to be able to make sentences that flow right now.. And I just have like a whole range of feeling going through my head right now like I feel angry and peeved and just like all weird inside and I feel like crying or something I don't know if its like hormones or something but I just feel like weird. argh I don't make any sense!

Anyways I think im like just so annoyed because I said I wouldn't let it get to me and all taht shiz but I really don't like my brother being friends with John.. Like it's not liek I can do anything to stop him from being friends with him but seriously what can I do about it? I can't tell my brother about anything that happened and it seems like I'm just torturing myself I don't even know why I am so angry about it like its in the past and everything. and I should just like be over it but I just can't seem to get over that he was in my house. that he was touching the things like I live in.. I didn't even want to go to the living room because I felt like almost repulsed by touching something that he had touched. HE WAS IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. Now I have no where to hide. nothing I can do about privacy I don't know what to do..

I just want to cry like cry it out and get over it but I don't think its even worth the tears what an assface you fucking ruined my life. i hate you jonh. i truly do.

procrastination. a lifestyle?

saturdays are the worst.

just seems like a blur and nothing ever gets done.. I probably eat the worst junk too. right now I'm just watching Alice in Wonderland 1951 version and even thought I think this story is one of the most messed up and weird ones ever I guess I shouldn't judge before I've watched the movie. 

I don't know why I don't have any motivation.. I guess I've been complaining about it throughout this whole blog.. And I guess this idea of blogging throughout the whole year about my senior year was a good idea but really it wasn't well I don't think it was anymore.. because I don't know.. 

Anyways I guess I should probably try and get to starting my assignment since it is due this weekend and yeah I should email it to my teacher and all that shiz. But it doesn't seem like that will be happening any time soon.. because yeah I don't know if understanding why I am unmotivated will help me. um actually I don't even think I know why I feel so unmotivated.. so obviously I wouldn't know how to fix it. I would say I'm not complaining that I have a bad life because I am complaining technically I am but its not because I have a bad life its just that I don't really know the direction that my life is going in at the moment.. 

And I just feel like I don't even know whats going on in my life right now like of course we can complain all we want and I don't think anything will ever happen if we don't do anything about it hey. 

healthy lifestyle, healthy living, healthy foods, exercise, its a lifestyle change but how does why, how, whats the point really? 

argh. oh so hungry and lethargic, pisssed yo. 

friggin.. whatever

I feel so like ulgh right now like headache and pissy and craving sugar and feeling shit for not exercising in 2 days and feeling fat from eating out and pissy and moody because im sleep deprived and like annoyed because im basically in a call with no one becasue phil isnt even talking in the call because I havent been talking in the call because im so like argh all the above.

This post is probably going to be one of those ranting ones but yeah I guess thats what i feel like right now. I don't think I'll ever be a very successful blogger aye, well not if i keep going like I am now AHA because this content is pre shit..

oh something i hate to the core of me is being called bad words by friends in conversation even though it doesnt mean anything I still get pretty peeved when phil calls me a bitch or a kient like wtf what gives you the fucking right to call me a bad name like that when I have not done anything clearly to deserve such a name. and he does like apologise in the end but it still hurts like dont even do it in the first place you asshole.

this post will actually just be one of those ranting ones because I'm just in the mood buddy. no ones forcing you to read this blog and heck I dont think I'll even want to read it when I look back at this.

Oh and term 4 you bitch. i fucking hate this term like yes its the home stretch and i can see the finish line in the distance but fuck its so hard. i have no motivation and frankly i think ive given up and holy my mum was talking to me about children of this age and saying that we always have to be doing something so thats why if we get bored we want to do something, anything, to feel 'something' get a kick out of something. and you know what that probably is true. because i would totally do something really stupid to feel something right now and i do really feel numb and just in  haze its friggin ridiculous.

okay i dont think this is making much sense jbut what the heck i thought it would be helpful to just like type angrily all my feelings but i dont think it really helped. not really. 

on the home stretch

I haven't blogged in over a month.. unheard of! Only kidding, I don't think I take this blogging thing any serious anyways even though I probably should.. whats the point of doing things half way anyways?

Ums I feel really ew right now because I just had like a crap load of junk food today and then ending up having maccas for dinner like seriously? ugh I'm so yuck lols. But don't worry I won't start complaining about the size of my thighs or the flab under my arms cos really there's no point in complaining about that.

I reckon I should get in shape a little for like schoolies sake or something but hey who am I trying to impress anyways.. AHAH actually I probably should care muahaha

okay off tangent again. actually I don't really know what to talk about at the moment I probably should make a start on my assignments which I got like last week and still have not touched. Bad idea hey?

oh wells can't reverse the past now can you?

adorkable

So I have just finished reading the 387 page book that is Adorkable by Sarra Manning in pretty much a day and a morning which is pretty crazy considering that this is exams week and all and that in about 8 hours I'll be in an exam with next to nil study preparation..

I don't plan on sleeping tonight but hey it's not really night time anymore considering it is quite early in the morning. I probably could just hop off to bed and not give a damn about my exams today but I feel like that would probably be one of those really stupid things to do that you would look back to later and just say wow, wasn't that stupid? and I don't want to be one of those people who just regret the things that they do in their life.

So yes, I finished this book and continued to read it even though I knew that I should have been doing something really more productive and yeah.. I probably should be writing up my accounting report instead of writing this blog post but hey its what I'm doing. Overall I quite liked this book. It did have an underlying message, a pretty hot and easily imaginable guy in it and some of the situations are pretty rational, although there was just all those steamy paragraphs of sexual tension which I probably enjoyed a little too much..

I couldn't really put this book down once I'd started to get into the story, it sorta always kept me wanting to know what happened next and anticipating the next chapter but always ending up surprised and often wide-eyed.

I wouldn't say this was an amazing read but it did teach me about individuality, ambition, human emotion and that sexual tension can stuff anything up.

Okay, onto accounting now. Wish me luck?
... Nah it's okay I'll just wish it for myself..

easy going?

So we flew over the Atlantic for about seven hours. Michael watched three films and I ate Haribo and worked on my presentation. When it was time to give my speech, I'd appear to be winging it when, in reality, I'd rehearsed it so many times that I was word-perfect and didn't even need to look at my notes. I'd thrown in a few ums and ahs because nobody likes a smartarse seventeen-year old, and I probably would fall over my sentences at the start from nerves but then I planned to be funny and insightful and the voice of my generation, which wasn't difficult as my generation was woefully inarticulate.

Adorkable, Sarra Manning page 251

I really liked this paragraph I'm not really sure why maybe because it showed me that nothing comes easily and even though it seems to look effortless there is actually a lot of effort and motivation to achieve what seems to be so easy.

I probably aren't all that great at articulating my words either but that's why I am trying to expand my vocabulary. It's not an easy thing to do but I guess everything is a little tough in the beginning.

So yeah, I guess let's just see how this goes I don't really know the reasons why I write in this blog but then again something might come out of this whole experience and if nothing does something will one day and I'll think to myself thank god I put in that effort to achieve something. That probably won't happen right away though because I'm actually the most slack, lazy, unmotivated person right now. I guess it kinda shows in this blog too. It's all over the place and has no structure.

I'm trying to give my life structure and somehow move through the obstacle course I've set for my life. But I don't know maybe I'm on the wrong tangent at the moment or something. So yeah, sorry if this blog is all in loose ends and indecisiveness. Not that I think that I have any loyal readers or anything I don't think I'd even read my own blog AHA!

But if there is anyone who listens to my rants and just plain stupid posts sometimes, thank you. It means a lot to me. More than you'd think hey.

word of the day #1 (WOTD)

belligrent: while reading Adorkable.

I might add in a little rant because I have like so little motivation since yesterday after maths c tutor to do anything productive except read and try to increase my vocabulary. But I still have 4 exams like seriously? WHYYYYYY I can like see the finish line but I've just collapsed out of exhaustion? or just pure laziness. Probably the later.

Oh but Phil did ask me to the movies last night which resulted in a quite embarrassing text to Linda involving a lot of OGMOGMOGMGOMGGGGGG and YAAAAAAAAAAYS I don't really know why I was so happy.. oh wells we'll see how it goes I guess. I don't know what we are though, friends? more than friends? maybe its what I've been reading with all the juicy sex scenes which don't leave much to the imagination if you know what I mean..

OKAY I WILL WRITE MY JAPANESE WRITING NOW.

bel·lig·er·ent/bəˈlijərənt/

Adjective:	Hostile and aggressive.
Noun:	A nation or person engaged in war or conflict, as recognized by international law.
Synonyms:	warring - militant - bellicose

MATHS YOU SUCK

and AMEN to that. I have a maths B exam tomorrow and I am not keen to the least. Even though, this is the last exam of the week which should be a little more comforting.. its not. fricking WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO HARD D:

Oh and did I tell you I got my Maths C assignment marks back? nah I didn't aha alright marks I hope they bring me up A+, A, A I think its around there..  I'm majorly crossing my fingers for the exam because I swear AJKFBDKGJBDJGK RAGEEEEE

Anyways, I should probably get back to revising about deriving and integrating but writing up this blog post is SO DAYUM FUN or maybe just like a lame excuse for procrastinating AHA the later is the true one :D

kthxbaii

list inception.. listception?

Since writing lists is something I seem to do on a daily basis..

THINGS I WANT TO DO TODAY! FROM.. NOW.

• Not gonna lie I really want to wash my face..  ye no more yucky feeling and I cleaned my bathroom sink at the same time so (Y)
• Get changed out of my pj's (unlikely) I partly did.. good enough
• Clear up the junk on my desk so I can study now eei...
• LET some LIGHT into this FRIGGIN CAVE
• Eat my strawberries with homemade nutella :D (in progress) oh oh TIP: if you don't have nutella at home and you really want to eat strawberries with chocolate and cbf melting some take a HEAAAAP of milo and mix with a little chocolate milk or any milk really and BAM chocolate! sorta. Hope that doesn't sound super bogan.. -__-
• uh my chemistry eei? (IN PROGRESS!!!! 10.57-11.40, 11.55-12.19, 1.13-2.01)
• Write an email reply to my Japanese host family
• Revise for Japanese Reading exam (in progress 2.05-2.45）
• Go to the Senior Drama night???  ask before 2 !!!　(NOT GOING #RAGERAGE)
• Charge my phone, iPod, iPad (in progress)
• Text Jean my right number!
• Procrastinated watching Hot Chelle Rae Honestly, We are never ever every getting back together and Sorry for party Rockin 
• Brushed my teeth x2
• Scored 50 Thredless shirts for 'chance' to win the $75 voucher YE (inprogress 12.19-12.49 HOLY WASTED HALF AN HOUR :O and its only for a 'chance' to win FRICK)
• Filled in my brows eheh
• Sending Katie a get well message and taking ages to find the right thing to say DX

OKAY I'LL KEEP THIS UPDATED THROUGHOUT THE DAY.. HOPEFULLY 8D

AAAAANNNNNND LEGO.

Update 7.29pm So after about 3 I have just basically procrastinated for like 4 hours.. I did write up a whole bunch of Japanese revision and stuff but overall wasted a good.. 4 hours =.=  FUARK YOU SCHOOL

Update 8.30pm STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING ON MY CHEMISTRY >> MOTIVATE MOTIVATE MOTIVATE MEEEEEEE

exams exams life reflection?

It's hard to believe that I can finally count how many days of schooling I have left without complication anymore. 40 days. It's actually a little frightening because that means that I have 14 days left of this term. Which is 168 hours or 10080 minutes or 604800 seconds of which I probably will waste 3600 writing this post and procrastinating... That's an hour for all you math haters.

So, for the next 2 weeks I have a lot of assessment to finish and ): I'm trying not to let it get to me but really inside I'm freaking out bro.

Monday 10/9/2012 (3days, 72 hours, 4320 minutes, 259200 seconds away)
Chemistry WINE EEI DUE! (fuarrrrk bro)

Tuesday 11/9/2012 (4days, 96 hours, 5760 minutes, 345600 seconds away)
Japanese Reading Exam

Thursday 13/9/2012
English Unseen Exam

Friday 14/9/2012
Maths B Exam

Monday 17/9/2012
Japanese Speaking Exam

Tuesday 18/9/2012
Japanese Writing Exam
Accounting Exam

Wednesday 19/9/2012
Maths C Exam

Thursday 20/9/2012
CMT Moderation Day
Dying my hair with Jadicus
AFTERNOON PARTAY~

Friday 21/9/2012
LAST DAY OF THE WORST TERM OF MY LYFE! <-- WTF..

Okaaaaay that's a whole lot of shit to get though in 2 weeks..
Everyone tells you lots of stories about your last year of high school and I reckon you just have to live it for yourself and not regret the things that you do. We all can be told a million billion times that we should study, eat well, sleep early, revise x100000, not stress out, take time to relax. But it rarely works out like that. Or maybe it does but it didn't in my year of schooling.

In the end its about your own choices and yeah, in the end it is your life. All those years in primary school that you wanted independence and responsibility of your own life. Well.. here you go, its there for you to take but honestly, I don't think I'm ready for it. And no, I am not embarrassed to say that. I know that its worse to fail at something and by having too much of an ego to admit that you have done something wrong.

I won't say that I regret anything I have done this year, because it has all been my decisions. And I know I made some really shitty ones this time around but hey, you only get to go through this once and everyone is bound to make mistakes. And sometimes they really bring you down and its fricking hard to get up. It might take a while but in the end you will get there. (No QCS pun intended aha I'm so funny ^^)

But anyway. I should probably get onto that Chemistry EEI that I have dreaded WITH PASSION UNTIL NOW!

ciao x

define: abhorrent

learnt a new word today! Although it is another one of those negative words..  Inspiring disgust and loathing; repugnant. Detestable.
 

and I was like YO. that's an interesting word.   

benefit cosmetics

HELLO ALL,

I want to share something pretty exciting! Well I kind of gave it away in the title but hey, MY ORDER FROM BENEFIT ARRIVED! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY something that has definitely brightened my dreary day.

I ordered a whole bunch of stuff because I wanted to take advantage of the 'Free Shipping over $150' because most of the time I don't see the point of paying shipping if you can take advantage of free shipping you know? normally shipping is ridiculous over to Australia anyways. And also I have always been interested in Benefit Cosmetics every since I bought my first Boi-ing concealer a few weeks/months ago but I think I liked it too much I already hit pan!

Benefit Cosmetics is a really interesting cosmetics company who is know for their many quirky style and witty product names. I loved my Boi-ing concealer so much but the only downside was that the price is ridiculous in Australia ): like seriously for my concealer was $32 from Myer compared to the site at $20. I could understand a few dollars difference maybe because of the currency conversion and handling cost but $12 ontop of the retail price of the shop? No thanks.

So I ended up spending $154.00 total which is not too bad and I did get a lot of goodies to try so I'm super excited :D I took advantage of the free shipping but I was a little concerned because there was no tracking available which bothered me a little but since Benefit is a well known company I took the risk. Luckily my package arrived in one piece! Also, the shipping was surprisingly fast!

Placed my order:  21/8/2012 (Night)
Order Shipped:    22/8/2012
Order Arrived:     31/8/2012 (Afternoon)

That is some pretty amazing service considering this package has traveled around half the world. Pretty impressed.  (:

I might add a few photos later but I was just to excited I had to write up this post!

Hope you have all had an amazeballs week! xx

getcha head in the game

no high school musical pun intended.

ready and keen to start my english oral? that would be a negitory..
never ready to do anything for english..

might add a wishlist to my toolbar.. hms

pointless post aha

ello ello,

been on a bit of an online shopping spree.. teeth whitening, benefit cosmetics, threadless, ebay probably more if I don't stop myself........

ANYWAYS
I have my maths C assignment due tomorrow YAY. ): and my english holy. I'm so stuffed for that freaking shakespeare why you gotta make high school life so hard?

LATE NIGHT TONIGHT 8)

make the most of it

because in the end its impossible to change the past.

procrastination and talent

Everyone wants to be successful right? We all have aspirations and goals of what we want to achieve in our lives.

But, sometimes we have no motivation to do anything productive towards our goals and that's where the problem begins. If we don't do anything productive towards our goals we will achieve nothing too. It sucks I know and I have been so lazy lately. Not like OMGGGG I haven't studied in an hour I'M GOING TO FAIL. when I say I've been lazy lately this means that I am in my final year in high school and when I get home from school or on the weekends I just procrastinate ALL.THE.TIME. and I don't really know if its just a rebellious stage? but I just haven't had any motivation lately and I know its bad. I'm sure everyone knows the things that are bad in their lives but still continue to do them.

For example; the people who smoke surely know that smoking is destroying their lungs and could potentially kill them but then why would they still continue to smoke as much as a packet a day or even more? Is it because smoking has become an addiction to them? Does that mean that I am addicted to procrastinating? because if it does lord help me!

Honestly, I don't know why I procrastinate so much during this time where my whole 12 years of schooling is on the line of a number that would determine what I could do in the future. Maybe it scares me. I don't really know why I am so willing to throw all those years away.

Many people say that I'm smart or good academically and I'm not saying this to boast about my grades or how well I do in school but there are many times that I think they don't really know me at all. In primary school I used to always try pretty hard in schoolwork but lately there hasn't been much effort on my end. And even though they say 'It'll be okay in the end. Don't worry!' I seriously doubt myself sometimes. Just like in Grey's Anatomy when Christina wasn't studying for her boards there wasn't any way for her to pass on pure talent. And it's true. No matter how much talent you have or how much luck you possess there is no way that you can pass the final year of high school "nicely" with talent alone. Blood, sweat and tears come to mind though.

Chill night.. Shitnutts

Watching '10 Things I Hate About You' and oldie but a goodie one to make any girl smile

alarahrah

HELLO

LONG TAIME NO POST
sorry.

I don't know what to post about.. :S well I've been breaking out a little/lot #rage

kthxbaii

omg I miss sam